Monday, November 23, 2009

Shoes! I'm addicted!

My shoe obsession - I think it started back when I was a little girl. My mom had the best heals, or so they seemed to me. It seemed like she had a closet full and in all kinds of colors. I always wanted to play house and wear them.  Of course, my mom wouldn't let me.  When a pair was really old though, she'd finally let me have them. Ha, I can still remember wearing my heals with socks, using chapstick as lipstick, and wearing all my plastic jewelry I could find. I was playing "grown up" and I always needed heels for that!

Fast forward to now, and I am a self-proclaimed shoe-aholic. I don't think anyone that knows me would deny it, though. I don't know what it is but I am just drawn to them. Flats, flip flops, sandals, boots, but especially heals! I still have this idea in my head from my childhood that heals make you a grown up. Heels help me feel grown up and lady-like.

It's hard to walk into a department store and not walk by the shoe department.  I just have to look and see what they have. Well, about a month ago I was walking through Macy's and saw these. They are Carlos by Carlos Santana.

I stopped in my tracks and my jaw dropped.  They are gorgeous! I instantly thought of my wedding because they are pretty much one of colors of my wedding.  They look so girly and feminine.  Also, the ruffles up front remind me of the headbands and fabric ruffled belts that are really in right now. The label says they are a bordo color, which remind me of wine, which reminds me of wineries, which reminds me of where we're getting married.  I just had to have them!

I bought them not knowing when I'd used them and I still don't. I'm thinking they'd look amazing with a dress for a bridal shower or the rehearsal dinner.  Either way, these were a great buy and I can't wait to find a cute dress to coordinate with them.

Does anyone else have a shoes obsession? 

p.s. This definitely not going to be last shoe post! I still have to find my shoes for the day of!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

My Grandma

I didn't think I'd be able to write this post so soon, but I  feel inspired today.  My grandmother passed away about two weeks ago, on November 6th.  It has been a long two week! The emotional shock of losing someone so loved is finally going away, but leaves behind an ocean of emotions to cope with. My grandmother was more than just a grandmother, she was the center of our family.  She was my last living grandparent and the one that I was closest too! She took care of me as a child while my mother worked and I got to take care of her in her old age.  

Our relationship was special for me from a very young age.  My grandmother loved to travel, our first trip together was when I was 4! She took me to Mexico with her.  I don't remember it but they tell me that I had a great time.  Our trips continued throughout my childhood, most of which I do have memories of.  I remember our road trips to Mexico with her and my grandpa in his red truck.  I would have a small cot set up on the back camper of the truck and would chat with them from back there.  She took me to Puerto Vallarta several times and we'd get to go wading in the ocean together.  A grandmother spoils her grandchildren and she was no exception.  What I remember most of our vacations was the freedom to be a little girl.  She never said no.  If I wanted to go swimming, she'd take me.  When I was hungry, we'd order some food.   I realize now, her enjoyment was seeing my joy.  Once I was in high school and college our roles reversed.  I still got to go to Mexico with her but now I was the care taker.  I had to administer her medicine and make sure she rested.  I was mindful of what she ate and sometimes had to be the food police and say no to pork tacos or similar indulgences. We had fun though! I was still with her, we got to enjoy our family together, and we created lasting memories that would take a lifetime to describe.  Through the years our vacations to Mexico were less and less because of her health but just last week she was commenting to me how much she would love to go back.  Of course, this is just one of the many loving experiences that have wandered into my mind this week.

When I look back and reflect on her personality I see of  lot of her in me! Definitely our love of traveling but so much more.  She was a strong woman who loved her family.  She loved us unconditionally and showed us the value of family.  Her strong faith came later in life but once she encountered the Lord, her devotion never waivered.  Although there was an age gap, our conversations about God and family seemed like we were old friends.  She was a spiritual guide for me and she always encouraged me to seek out God.

Although this isn't directly wedding related, it is to me. I keep thinking about how I will have a wedding without my grandma? I won't be able to receive her blessing before walking down the aisle, like I'd planned. She won't be there to smile and see me glow on the alter.  I won't be able to run into her arms and share a small special moment with her after the ceremony.  So many potential moments that won't be.  My comfort comes in knowing that although she won't be physically present, she'll be with me in my heart.

What more can I say? I love her.  I will miss her.  And on my wedding day, when I think of her, I'll smile, maybe shed a tiny tear, my heart will swell up with love and, before I leave the church, I'll say a prayer for her.  And for the rest of the day, I will celebrate my beautiful marriage, because that's what she would have wanted.  I will celebrate the way she used to celebrate- surrounded by a ton of family, sharing our laughter and love and having a good time.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Dress shopping = Emotional Roller coaster

*Note: I am writing about wedding dress shopping but I can't post pictures because my FI is a faithful reader of my blog. *

I went wedding dress shopping this weekend and it has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. At first, I was hesitant to go. I am willing to admit that it's because of my size.  I have put on weight and this is NOT the ideal size I want to be when trying on dresses.  So I wasn't looking forward to looking "fluffy" in these pictures. Walking into the store, I felt overwhelmed.  How many dresses can one store hold?! There were so many styles and looks.  Who knew that white could come in so many shades! 

When I finally tried the first dress on, I felt a little disappointed.  It was the Jim Hjelm one that I had blogged about in an earlier post. That dress looks a lot better on that model.  It had too much lace on the shoulders.  It was eating up my shoulders.  I had been looking forward for so long to try on this dress and when I finally did...blah. It looked blah on me.  I just kept thinking, "Oh, no! This was suppose to be the one!"  But once I looked at the price tag, I instantly felt relieved. "Phew, good thing this isn't the one!"

I tried on about four or five more and they felt okay.  Some got a very quick no and some got maybe's. The maybe's weren't cutting it for me.  I didn't feel a wow factor.  And then..... I tried on the prettiest dress we had.  I felt so beautiful in it! The term blushing bride comes to mind.  I felt so happy instantly! But guess what? It was strapless!!!! I felt shocked.  What?! But I had sworn I wouldn't get a strapless. How can this be the one I like the most? But it was! I twirled around in it.  We took some pictures.  We talked about the accessories.  We discussed how great it would look in a church and later outside in a vineyard.  It wasn't too heavy or too poofy.  It was just right. (Wow, that sounded very Goldy Lock-ish).

The dress fitting ended with me having a big smile on my face! I think I'm going to try some more places just to make sure I'm not missing out on anything, but I just know I am going to compare every dress to that last one.  Of course, I also want to have my Mom help in the decision, so I have to make an appointment for us to go back?  

Is it really this easy though? I don't want to say I found my dress, but it feels like I found my dress.  Every time I think of me in it, I smile!  That's a good sign, right? How often do brides find there dress after the fifth or sixth dress? My last emotion on this roller coaster was concern.  Am I being too quick in picking "the dress"? Should it be a lot harder than this?